It’s been a while

Posted by: Sarah Trost in Being Mommy, stillbirth/pregnancy loss Add comments

I haven’t known how to blog about this. There’s so much joy, anxiety, concern, relief….what can I say, how can I adequately describe it?

Pregnancy after loss is a delicate topic. Those who have had losses but no subsequent living pregnancies (like me for the last three years) may feel jealous, angry, sad. Those who have not had a loss may not understand the significance of such a joyful and scary time. And then there are those who have so much internal conflict over what happened with my losses, and the fact that I nearly died twice, that they are, have been, or will be, upset about me being pregnant again.

And yet, here I am, already 17 weeks. We didn’t think it could happen. We had given up. Our youngest living child is now five years old! In fact, I’ve been giving my baby things away so others could use them. We are amazed, humbled, and sometimes scared out of our minds.

I will try to write more later about what it is like having a “rainbow baby.” What the term means, why it’s difficult to use, and what my delivery plans are. But I think I’ll leave this post as it stands.

Yes, I’m pregnant. We stand in awe.

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