It feels like Yesterday

Posted by: Sarah Trost in stillbirth/pregnancy loss Add comments

It feels like yesterday….when my little boy’s heart stopped beating.

It feels like yesterday….when I recieved his beautiful burial gown in the mail. I felt it ironic, that it looked so much like a christening gown. We would not be standing to
dedicate him before the church, instead he would be put in the ground, before the same congregation.

It feels like only yesterday….when my husband and I knelt on his fresh grave, alone, weeping that we didn’t have more time with him and that little time we did have was stolen. My mom, watching the children, had no idea we stopped at the cemetery, and we had to hurry. She hurried us off at the funeral, too, insisting we HAD to leave immediately following the ceremony, so we could greet our guests back at the house. You can’t hurry grief.

It feels like only yesterday….that I painfully packed away his clothes, amazed that it had already been six months since we buried him.

And, it feels like yesterday…when we went to the cemetery with 6 baby blue balloons with notes written on them, “Letters to Benjamin.” We released them into the sky, missing him on the 1 year anniversary of his leaving us.

It feels like just yesterday, and yet March 8 will be two years since his Heavenly Birthday. While it’s only October, I realize with sadness that it feels like only tomorrow, when we will be back at the cemetery with balloons, yet again.

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