Raising a large family with disabilities

Posted by: Sarah Trost in Aspies, Being Mommy, doctrine and Biblical truths, health, Sovereignty of God No Comments »

I won’t fake it.  It’s not easy being a mom who is also autistic.  It’s even harder being a mom who is autistic and raising children who are on the autism spectrum.  Add to that a mom who is autistic, married to a man with cancer and undergoing chemotherapy, raising children on the autism spectrum, while undergoing miscarriages and surgeries.

Yet, I find joy in serving my family.  Not always.  I do grumble occasionally.  But I love my family immesly.

I realize that my husband would likely do better with a wife that is more self sufficient.  After all, I can’t seem to remember to brush my teeth or take my vitamins without his pokes.   But he loves me and doesn’t seem to mind (most of the time) helping me in my disabilities.  His feelings aren’t hurt when I tell him I can’t handle being touched that day.  He notices when I am overwhelmed and need some time in a quiet space (who doesn’t need that, even without a disability!)

I so desire the ability to give him a perfectly orderly and quiet environment where he can recover and heal.  I’m sure he desires that as well, yet, he recognizes that I have some limitations.

Not only do I feel that I fail my husband in certain areas, but I think I fail my children.  I can’t seem to find a way to rally them up and get them to joyfully and willingly obey.

Still, I am pleased with God’s direction and immeasurable strength and peace He has provided me.  Not that I always illuminate with peace, mind you, but it is there for the taking.

For instance, God directed us towards the gluten free diet.  Our lives are completely different thanks to this ‘simple’ change in diet!  I find that tea has helped give me some calm during the crazy parts of the day like after lunch and dinner, and seems to be helping Paul as well.  Most of all, a grasp of God’s sovereignty carries us through any trial that comes our way.  Again, not that we always react in faith!  But God is unboundingly merciful to us in such times of distress.  Ultimately, we have peace in the midst of a raging storm.

emotions cloud logic

Posted by: Sarah Trost in Being Mommy, doctrine and Biblical truths, Sovereignty of God No Comments »

I was reading an interesting thread in a friend of mine’s journal on this topic. He was describing a systematic view of his own morality, how he lives his life and weighs good from bad (well, that’s an overly simplistic view of it but you get the idea.) A reader replied that she finds most people cannot express what they believe, probably because they’ve never really thought about it. When they get upset at ‘opposing’ viewpoints they really speak from their emotions and not from their researched or truly thoughtful beliefs. This led me to reply:

yes, I would agree with your experience with others and their concept of their own beliefs (or lack thereof.) It reminds me of an experience in college (several actually but one in particular stands out.)

I raised my hand and responded to the professor’s statement “By that train of thought, Satan and man are greater and more powerful then God.” Since it was a Bible college murmurs erupted and my classmates became quite upset. Prof considered it for a moment and said “Yes, you are correct.” The protests grew louder and he explained why his (and most of the students there) theology, if considered purely logically, would (should) lead to the belief that people and Satan are greater then God.

Of course because they believed A but not B their emotions clouded their logic (or maybe they lacked it entirely.) They were completely unable to explore what A meant to B and have a rational discussion on it. Students actually WALKED OUT!!

BTW, despite my unwillingness to swallow everything as taught, my professors thoroughly enjoyed having me in their classes. Apparently they valued students who thought for themselves and I chose to base my beliefs on logic and Scriptural exegesis rather then deciding what I believed FIRST and THEN looked for Scripture to back up my claims.

I sum up my beliefs regarding how to live in this world in one word- respect. I was trying to simplify our house rules and realized that I teach my girls so much that perhaps it was hard for them to remember absolutely ever rule I have thrown out there. So I told them that if they lacked respect for their possessions, siblings, parents, pet, ect then it would break a rule. If they jump on the sofa then they have no respect for the sofa. If they draw on the walls they disrespect the walls (or the parents who have to clean up the mess.) Respect is key to living rightly towards those around us. If we sin against God, then we are also not showing respect to God. This is of course overly simplistic when laying our your beliefs, but works wonderfully in child training.

He who began a good work in you

Posted by: Sarah Trost in doctrine and Biblical truths, Sovereignty of God, Submission No Comments »

Breathing and blessing

Posted by: Sarah Trost in Being Mommy, doctrine and Biblical truths, Family, Sovereignty of God, stillbirth/pregnancy loss, Submission, Uncategorized No Comments »

Things are getting better. When you take a breath, you take in life, for without breath there is no life. Life is a gift. God is to be blessed for all His marvelous gifts, even when we don’t see a trial as a gift.

For most people, the death of a child causes such a strain that they divorce within a year. I don’t see that as happening with us. Our relationship is stronger then it has ever been. I feel that trials have worked much meekness in me, and I’m sure that helps! I’ve been enjoying Nancy Leigh Demoss’s series on Meekness. I find it so encouraging and hope that women really take the series to heart. Although, as she pointed out, you can’t become meek by will power! Meekness is, well, a gift worked out in you as you are buffed in the rock tumbler. Gems only become gems after a great deal of buffing!

So I inhale and exhale and bless God for my life, and the life of my son. No, he is not living here with me, but he does have life, and as the Scriptures say, life more abundantly! Praise God for His mercy and grace!

He gives and takes away, blessed be His name!

Posted by: Sarah Trost in Being Mommy, doctrine and Biblical truths, Family, QF, Sovereignty of God, stillbirth/pregnancy loss No Comments »

In response to this blog

I really enjoyed what you wrote! I found it in trying to sustain my argument that in fact God DOES give and take away. So often people have trouble with the taking away part. I really need to blog about this myself, but I have such a hard time finding blog time.

“How arrogant we (me the worst of all) sometimes get. Thinking that God is totally consumed with our individualistic wants and “needs.” I, as a rule, think we as Americans are pretty stupid and believe we need much more than we actually do. For me to think that because of my faith God gives me more than others is a little slippery. Financial and physical blessing is not the best indicator of faith.”

YES!! I can’t hold the attitude “Why me?” The very question “Why me?” is so arrogant! I am a sinner, deserving of hell, no less. I do not deserve the many blessings in my life. Yes, I have nearly died several times. Yes, I have lost children, I have been raped, my grandparents died when I was a young child, my parents are dying far too young….and my surviving children have autism. But I am not so haughty to think that for some reason I am above tragedy. OR should be above it. God is mighty and sovereign, and I live in a fallen and imperfect world. The Bible is also clear that we are to BLESS GOD for His will in our lives, INCLUDING trials and calamities. How can we do that? Well, if we will stop taking our eyes off of ME, MYSELF AND I, and look at the bigger picture, we will always see God working, transforming tragedy into blessing, beauty from ashes.

“I will land this plane by giving some personal examples. I have known several God-fearing, H.S. baptized, faith-filled couples who have struggled with multiple miscairrages in their lives after believing for YEARS to have children. Certain people have had the nerve to suggest it was because of their lack of faith. (Lucky for them it wasn’t in my presence or it may have resulted in a fist in their mouth)

I have prayed with total reprobate sinners who dishonor God and seen them get healed from things as small as headaches, to legs growing out. ”

Again, yes and amen! My dad has had cancer since I was a child. He is still alive, but struggling very much with pain. He went through a period of time where he went to Benny Hinn and other faith healers and claimed to all that he IS healed. He believed with all his heart that he was healed, and this was after a friend of ours died of cancer, also claiming that there was NO cancer! They had all the faith, all the right prayers, and lived a Godly life. But it wasn’t enough. Why not? Because it was not in God’s will. Yet, he is still alive, with cancer but very much alive, so many years after she died. A good friend of mine died last year very suddenly of a cancer she didn’t know she had, leaving behind a husband, a newborn and four other young children. So again it shows that God’s will is very specific. While my friend was dying I couldn’t go see her because I had sick children but I would talk to her on the phone and she was always full of faith and strength. To God be the glory! It was an inspiration to talk to this woman who knew she would very possibly not be miraculously healed, and yet rejoiced because her faith in God was so strong.

Back to your analogy of faith filled couples having multiple miscarriages- Last year God led us to trust HIM in “our” family planning, that He is the perfect planner! We already had 4 beautiful little girls and hoped and prayed that in our obedience to Him, He would give us a son…perhaps even twins! I know, I was crazy in thinking that LOL but that was a desire (I believe God placed.) I was pregnant in May 2008 and we had a freak accident in our 2008 Ford 12 passenger van. We hit a tree and the van rolled. The van was very squashed and it was amazing that we made it out without any injuries (only slight cuts from the windows when they pulled us out since the van was still upside down. For pics and the full story read this.

Well, as is common, following the accident I miscarried. Our first “let God have control” baby was gone. I got pregnant soon after. I felt like it was twins but didn’t say anything. My then 5 YO daughter said it was twins and I hoped she was right. We had our first ultrasound, and there were two sacks! It was too early to be sure about the babies, but definitely there were two sacks. Four weeks later they couldn’t find even ONE heartbeat at my OB apt, so off to the U/S room I went. By myself. That seemed to be the longest hour of my life, waiting to see if my babies were alive or gone to be with Jesus. With having three previous miscarriages you might think I’d grown accustomed to such losses but I hadn’t. I wasn’t worried or upset, but certainly prayed the whole time. There was one strong heart beat! We rejoiced, but were saddened to have lost another child.

And then, at 40 weeks gestation, we lost the other one. One cannot come remotely close to describing how it feels to have a stillbirth. Yet, as I held my beautiful little boy in my arms, my first thoughts were of PRAISE! Yes, I was praising God for my son. I miss him terribly, but am thankful for the time I had with him. Many people try to convince me that this was NOT God’s will that God DOESN’T take life, especially not that of babies. We have a free will therefore we have the power to give and take life. How selfish and godlike we can make ourselves!

I don’t understand why, when I gave my womb and my heart to God, He gave me three dead babies. It doesn’t make sense to me. But God just doesn’t operate in this finite human reasoning. And I am certainly not above such tragedy, as I have stated before.

You might be interested in this family, who lost their son AND their daughter and yet still have faith that God is in control.

May you have peace, love, and live in His Eternal Light

because I haven’t the strength

Posted by: Sarah Trost in Being Mommy, doctrine and Biblical truths, Family, QF, Sovereignty of God, stillbirth/pregnancy loss, Submission No Comments »

I keep wanting to update here but I just can’t seem to do it. So, I’ll let my husband do it for me. Here’s his blog
We all appreciate your prayers.


update on church search

Posted by: Sarah Trost in church, doctrine and Biblical truths, Uncategorized No Comments »

I had mentioned in October of last year that we visited a small FIC church.  Well, we ended up joining a large baptist FIC and attended for a good while, helping them to become more family integrated.  But we had some problems with things the pastor taught and our primary purpose for going there was for Paul to learn about pastoring a church, which wasn’t really happening.  And when the only other married, homeschooling lady there (the church is mostly elderly folks) told me that God told her that I should have a tubal ligation, that pretty much sealed the deal and we left.  We are back at that small FIC I mentioned.  The people are friendly and generally seem in line with our values.  The men in the church are very emotional, which is a refreshing change from some of the staunchness and ungratefulness (to Grace) we have experienced in the free will churches we have been attending.  They do believe in election, which I am certain has a great deal to do with the tender and broken attitude, but I think the fact that most of the congregation are new believers has even more to do with it.

We are grateful to be there and although we don’t know how long God may have us there we always bloom where we are planted and I’m seeking as to how God wants me to serve the Church.

song of an unborn child

Posted by: Sarah Trost in Being Mommy, doctrine and Biblical truths No Comments »


Posted by: Sarah Trost in church, doctrine and Biblical truths No Comments »

“We have to test everything,” writes Bell. “Do that to this book. Don’t swallow it uncritically. Think about it. Wrestle with it. Just because I’m a Christian and I’m trying to articulate a Christian worldview doesn’t mean I’ve got it nailed. I’m contributing to the discussion. God has spoken, and the rest is commentary, right?”

Wow- I have never read a quote like that. This was from a review of Velvet Elvis, a book about what ‘it really means to be a Christian.’

Upon further research some claim this author is of the emergent church group of leaders.  Still, you have to be impressed with anyone who suggests that what he says isn’t necessarily right.

Posted by: Sarah Trost in doctrine and Biblical truths, Family, Today in the News No Comments »

I’m alarmed at how many Christians are actually defending The Golden Compass. It’s worse then Harry Potter. They even have on the official website a questionnaire to discover what your ‘doemon’ is. Yes, that is a British spelling of demon. In the story people have a kind of spirit guide/their spirit that walks around outside the body in the form of an animal. This is called a daemon.

I have read Christians online who say that the email rumors are not true, yet snopes.com (a secular internet rumor/urban myths dispeller website) says that they are.

Supposedly, the author wants to ‘kill God in the minds of children’ and that in one of the books in the series Adam and Eve do actually kill God, also called Yaweh.

I know one movie I WON’T be seeing…

It’s official

Posted by: Sarah Trost in church, doctrine and Biblical truths, Sovereignty of God, Submission No Comments »

We are a cult. No, not really, but I think most of the Christian world would say so.

We did leave what appeared to be a very good church based on the unwillingness to conform to a church practice of women not speaking to each other concerning doctrine and Scripture. Although it is claimed that is permitted, the restriction is that the woman must first speak to the husband. I, of course, am a firm believer in taking counsel from the husband and being in complete submission to him. However, women should also be allowed to discuss with each other and to say “Oh, I can’t discuss that matter with you because I have not yet spoken with my husband” is just plain ludicrous. There is no Scripture backing this. Following such a discussion the certainly should talk to their husbands, but supposedly we are easily tossed to and fro and bringing new ideas in the home would sow dischord. Well, if I had not brought foreign ideas to the home we would not have known about covering or being quiverfull, that’s for sure.

Our lives have changed so much in the last three months.

In looking for a church we are unable to find something nearby. After all, we are quiverfull, homeschooling, sovereign grace, spirit filled, head covered and autistic! Who could possibly want us at their church?

Paul started a blog on our church experiences. He begins it as the beginning of a kind of journey, but we will also post some negative and positive church experiences we have had in the past. What will the Lord do with us now? I don’t know, but I look forward to finding out!


The importance of Biblical doctrine

Posted by: Sarah Trost in doctrine and Biblical truths No Comments »

“Doctrine in devicive! Doctrine is what the Pharisees and Sadducees would push, but Jesus was in favor of only love! ” Reminds me of the sixties tune “all we need is love.” But is this true? Is that all that is important? Faith expressing itself through love, as Timothy suggested? Well, we can’t just pick a verse out of context (The whole Bible being context) and expect that it is wholly truthful.

The fact is that Jesus DID teach doctrine in addition to love. 1 John 1 is very strong in insistence that light has no part in darkness and the apostle Paul was highly criticized for his strongly proclaimed doctrine- rightly claiming that we are dead in sin until the Holy Spirit comes in and makes our spirits alive so we can repent and believe.

Sure, love is important. It is God’s love for us that gave us a propitiatory sacrifice for our sins, His own son Jesus Christ. But it is also doctrine which teaches us in the trinity, the virgin birth, in sin, in sacrifice, in salvation. Doctrine is equally as important as love.

I came across an episode of Montel the other day ( I never watch the show, BTW) that quickly drew me in. A man in the audience was telling the TV audience “lest anyone think this is the norm in Christendom this is sin.” I watched intently, wondering what would happen. The guests were involved in the porn industry. The man said that he is a Christian with a good relationship with the Lord and blah blah blah and rebuked the audience member for his lack of love which Jesus would have shown. Later another audience member stood and talked about how much God loves everyone and we need to show them love as well.

Here’s love without doctrine. If she had some understanding of doctrine she would recognize that although God may love this person, this person is living a daily lifestyle of sin and encouraging others to do the same. He makes porn films of his wife, encouraging her to sin which is doubly condemable because he is the priest in his home. Then he publicly proclaims his dedication of love to the one true God. Love does not come without chastisement. She’s not advocating love and respect, she’s advocating acceptance of sin and openly embracing it! Unfortunately, the church seems to be skipping down this path of lies that the world has been feeding it. “Love” and tolerance and anti doctrine and accountability.

Here’s an article outlining the importance of doctrine (click.)

Now, I haven’t dissected all parts of this article but so far I think it’s pretty good.